The Art of Riza Mustang
by BlackMorale
Summary: ONESHOT. RoyAi. All he ever wanted was her lollipop, but she would never give up something as heavenly and sweet as a Tootsie Roll lollipop.


**Author's Note: **This is just nonsense crap I thought of while I was sick and wasn't allowed to use the computer T.T.

Slight OOCness.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. If I did, I'd add a little extra at the end of the movie.

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**The Art of Riza Mustang**

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The newly appointed Führer lazily sat on his desk chair, bringing himself to finish reading a report about the Ishbalans and things related to that. He glanced at the blond Major General who was at her desk at the far side of the huge room. He observed her for a fifth time as she took out the lollipop from her mouth, licked her lips and put it back in. 

Roy Mustang was the kind of man who was boring and never had candies in his entire life, probably the reason why he was always so grumpy. He always thought of having a crappy flavor and eating it was a waste of time. Havoc fully agreed with him and dedicated his life to cancer sticks, but eating just a small piece of that sweet, sugary 'hyper-pills' was beyond them.

And now here he was regretting it all.

If he stepped up to her and asked if she had any more of that candy-on-a-stick, she would most likely tell him _'No. Now get back to work'_ and point her gun on his head.

He sighed and tried to understand the report he was trying to read for almost twenty-three minutes. But he just couldn't get his mind to forget about the lollipop! It probably was a heavenly treat since Riza enjoyed it and was in a good mood and he was told that nothing else made her happy except him, Hayate and that candy.

_That's it!_ He told himself as he got up from his chair and went towards her desk.

"Anything you need, sir?" She asked, her mouth opening a little after her last word. He stole the candy from her mouth and took it on his own.

"Wow. It really is good," He said with a smile on his face. She scowled at him but was happy to see that look on his face that said he'd do anything to have a whole box of those. "Can I have it? Please?"

"As long as you do your paperwork and not clean windows _again_ then yes," She replied as he happily went back to his desk.

He leaned back on his chair and held the same paper in front of his face. When he got bored at staring at the paper for a good three minutes, he set it on the table and pretended to write on a piece of blank paper while playing with the lollipop.

On the other hand, he felt guilty of betraying his wife's trust, her sacrifice of giving up something as delightful as a piece of chocolate-candy-on-a-stick for him get his work done. He began reading again, not really bothering if he understood or not.

But then again the grocery has a lot of those. They could visit the candy factory and buy all the candy they want. He smiled and pretended to read the report while doodling on the same blank piece of paper.

"I want my lollipop back!" Riza muttered to herself, loud enough for Roy to hear and stood up while slamming her hands on her desk. She headed towards his desk with an anxious look on her face. She realized the taste was so delicious that she had gotten used to it not being able to taste it in her mouth would set her in a foul mood.

"Hand over the lollipop or do your paperwork. It's one or the other, Roy. And death is not an option."

"What's gotten into you?" He chuckled, afraid that he wouldn't be the one to finish the lollipop.

"You didn't think I realized you were staring at the same paper for twenty-eight minutes now would you? I think that candy distracts you more from your work. I'm here to take it back."

"Hey I was reading too!"

"Normally, it would take only ten minutes or less for a person to be able to finish reading a report when you concentrate hard."

"But you're a fast reader and you know I get bored easily."

"You're going to live your life around paperwork that should be _signed,_ not burned. You should've learned that by now."

"...Do you have any more of these?" He tried to change the topic seeing as she could pull out her gun any second now.

"Not if you finish your paperwork."

"Awww, come on! Don't you know I'm weak against paperwork?"

"Paperwork doesn't do you any harm, and so does the rain. It just stops you from using your alchemy."

"So does that mean I can burn my paperwork?"

"ROY MUSTANG! SURRENDER THE LOLLIPOP TO ME THIS INSTANT! AND FINISH YOUR DAMN PAPERWORK!!!" Everyone in the building must've heard it, and anyone who didn't was obviously deaf. Riza took her lollipop out of his mouth as he cowered in fear.

"She's so evil..." Roy whispered to himself once he regained his composure. He rested his head on his folded arms that were on his desk and when he was about to close his eyes, he felt the cold tip of a gun on his temple.

He looked up to see Riza frown at him and immediately got back to work. She stood there until he was done, making sure he read every paper and signed them. All the while, he didn't realize she was pointing a water gun to his temple. She was extremely grateful to Winry Rockbell for this splendid idea, of inventing a water gun that looked exactly like a shotgun.

**.END.**

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**Author's Note:** Well I hope you like it. I kinda messed up in the end, but it still ended the way I thought it would be. I have to admit the title's not that good but I couldn't think of any better ones.

Review please. Flames allowed. Criticism welcome.


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